Straightforward

I feel frustrated. I feel frustrated because some people can't be straightforward enough to tell me what they feel, what they think and discuss problems like adults. I would prefer being hurt from what they say instead of hanging in this state of uncertainty and trying in vain to imagine what the h*ll is going on in their head. I might not find criticism easy at the beginning, but I do have the balls to accept it and do something about it. I feel like shaking them one by one so that they would tell me. I already have a lot on my plate right now and to top that with this unpleasantness is aggravating the whole situation.

So I just feel frustrated.

Toxic

I have encountered once in my life a person so "toxic", she leaves your "self" in shambles. I was left bewildered and shell-shocked for a few months and I had to practically hold on to my "self" so that I can find myself again around the web of uncertainty she left behind.

Recently, I've encountered another person who fits this description but lucky me, I was not personally involved although she also left our PowerPoint ministry in a "mess". Not literally, but actually destroying the peace and order of this ministry. She created so much intrigue and malice, that it left one of our members in the midst of a nasty gossip and even worse she made people think that our ministry is jinxed and you can get caught by the police if your a TNT.

Now we are left to "heal all wounds" and start anew but this leaves a sour taste on my mouth. Some people are just poisonous one way or another.

Her morning elegance

This is a cool video...

Artist cover artist

I was just browsing lazily in the Internet (again!) when I stumbled on this special feature from Yahoo! of artist covering other artist's songs. I particularly loved this one from Mandy Moore covering Rihanna's "Umbrella". It's amazing how they sing another persons song but they are still able to imbibe their own mark on the song. I particularly like this because I'm such a laid-back person and am the kind who listens to soundtrack of "A walk to remember", yup those cheesy girly movies! And sometimes, when its done this way, I tune on the words and understand the message. Its really a cool song! Anyways, I hope you enjoy the video as much I enjoyed watching it!

a New Year, a new thought

A new year always heralds resolutions and change in our lives. It is a chance to promise ourselves once more that this time we will make something from a failure or achieving something we have not in the past year. Or it is also a chance to leave behind bad experiences and decisions and start afresh.

The past year has been challenging for me in all levels. There were social activities we have, our jobs, the family, in particular the kids, a new house and all the acrobatics we had to do to finish what we need to and cope with the situations we were in.

This year seem a little better because we are finally moving to the new house, a new adventure. The future is still unsure but then when has it ever been sure, right? So we take it on a stride.

On a personal level, I feel a certain change in me. I do not feel as optimistic as I used to and I came to realize that I have become a grouch in a way. Most of the time at work, I have become too immersed in my own world and I've neglected some aspects of it consequently. I also feel like I'm on a rut career-wise and I can't seem to get out of it. Patience was not a reality for me anymore and for the first time, I really feel restless and unhappy. I am hearing myself talking about change which I have never heard from my deeper self before. Is this the time to move on? Would destiny allow me the change? Do I have the courage and the strength to do this change?

I am seeking guidance and looking for a sign.

Home Sweet Home

Every house where love abides

And friendship is a guest,

Is surely a home, and home sweet home

For there the heart can rest.

- Henry Van Dyke

A new adventure has begun for our family... the home adventure... after months of planning and decision-making, the house building started early August... here are some photos to see how it has developed since it started.

It is a pre-fabricated house made by Kampa AG with energy-saving technology featuring a warm-outside-air pump that gathers heat from the warmest room of the house and pumps it all over the house as well as installations for solar plates (that would come later when we have money to spare). It has 3-bedrooms on the first floor and a large cellar that can be a hobby room or a big guest room. It has a winter-garden and floor heating.

PHASE 1

From scratch, the soil was dug and it was prepared for the laying of the foundation at the end of August. The cement for the foundations were made a week after, on early September. The walls of the cellar were delivered on September 10 (which my boss found amusing with me asking him something like "Chief, can I take leave? They are bringing my cellar...")

PHASE 2

On 17 September, they delivered the rest of the house and the workers put together all the elements like a huge lego puzzle in 1 day. The finishing would come later on together with installations and other things.

At the end of the day, they were able to put part of the roof and the scaffolding for the workers were done on the same day by another company

And the story continues...

for Christ sake...

Being Filipino, I was exposed to the church and became very active in it during my teenage years. In retrospect, I felt lucky that I ended up doing this because the church teaches a lot of things that would always be useful in life while allowing me to vent my "teenage energy" into someting productive. I was also lucky to witness so many miracles both small and big during these years and meeting wonderful and extraordinary people. One thing I held dear to my heart was finding "Belief" in God, in Jesus Christ, in Mama Mary. I appreciate life more because of this and it became my stronghold during difficult times.

During my early years in Geneva, I experienced a wanning in this "belief" because for once I was exposed to the other religions and even atheism. You must understand the shock I had when I was confronted by someone who simply said "I don't believe in God". What a sacrilege! But little by little, I had to accept this truth and that the world is big and that we are a lot of people and are all entitled to our belief.

Slowly, I appreciate the other religions and the culture that comes with it. I even loved Buddhism at one point. I stopped going to church and just decided to have a break from Catholism and Jesus cause I was curious about the other religions.

Then when I moved to Bonn, I was immediately "commissioned" by a friend to join the local choir. At that point, I was not too sure about the teachings of Christ so there were times when I had a mental debate going on in my head trying to compare the beliefs of other religions and Christianity. Thank God no one heard me or otherwise they'd think I'd gone out of my head! Completely bonkers I tell you!

Then about 3 years ago, I was again "coerced" to help with the youth group for the World Youth Day celebration in Cologne. Since I had a blast during the WYD 1995 in Manila, I was more than encouraged to do this and the ball started rolling and one activity came to another, and so on and so forth and before I know it, I'm neck-deep in the whole church-activities. My enthusiasm got the best of me and I've become active again, much to my reluctance.

In reflection, I guess I did not abandon Christ at all during the years in Geneva. It was more of finding an affirmation of my faith. In the end, Christianity molded me so denying that side of myself is denying my self. And I embrace this realization as I come full circle into the loving arms of Christ.